


That The Grandchildren Of This City Will Walk Outside These Walls

by Perrault



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-13
Packaged: 2018-03-12 05:17:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3344996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Perrault/pseuds/Perrault
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It is perhaps the greatest tragedy of all,” Levi muses, “When a strong woman falls in love with a martyr.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here's the thing:
> 
> I don't take this seriously. None of my work is beta'd, it gets put up immediately after completion, the only editing taking place is the elimination of spelling/grammatical errors. I've been experiencing writer's block in my personal projects and I'm using fanfic as a purgative exercise.
> 
> You will notice that just about everything is entirely dialogue. Why? Because this is a purgative project. I think primarily in dialogue, not descriptors, so working out the junk lines in fanfic allows me to craft more effectively and fearlessly in my original work. Descriptors in my opinion can bog down a work, and in the case of fanfiction (especially a fanfiction surrounding a cultural phenomena, e.g. SNK) the descriptors are unnecessary as one already knows what the characters look like, and to burden the narrative with rhapsodical ecstasies of physical beauty seems unfair to the writer.
> 
> The plots are generally tenuous, i.e. not really there. The objective is to explore a relationship and how people communicate with each other. It's not here to be sexy, this is just a purge.
> 
> I want to point this out because I'm a vain sonofabitch, and I don't want to be held up (by myself or anyone else, this is a reminder for me too!) next to some of the true artists of fanfiction that dwell on this site when that's not why I'm here. I'm not here to create art, I'm here to just work my shitty insecurities out of my system.
> 
> So, yes, it is probably excessively wordy at some points, yes the dialogue can be stilted and formal. But, it's fun, occasionally funny, and I've got some zingers that are itching to get out of the gate. So hey, hang out with me.
> 
> Okay, now for the fun bit. 
> 
> So clearly this is an AU, as I don't read the manga and have only finished the first season this past week. This is my first fanfiction ever, so if I fail to pay due reverence to the craft, please forgive me. 
> 
> Basic information, this essentially takes place immediately after the Sina battle at the close of Season 1. For you purists/logicians out there in the fandom, yes I realize, they are going back outside of the walls waaayyy too soon. Sorry. But reasons. Weird, sexual tensiony reasons. 
> 
> I'm 95% sure that these characters are not ridiculously OOC, anything that is is not deliberate, but rather based on my reading of the characters from the show, and essentially forcing their emotional strain into the immediate forefront. Levi is a bastard, no surprise there. (I won't lie, Erwin is ridiculously challenging, all I'm able to figure out is that he's very private and broody, with lots of government secrets likely hidden inside his eyebrows)
> 
> This is Levi/Mikasa, no shame, I will go down with this ship. 
> 
> Peace.
> 
> ***

           Levi finds her in the ruined Sina temple, chips of shattered stone winking at him like stars from her black hair. She is staring at nothing, her fingers playing idly with a bone hairpin she must have picked up off the floor. He regards her, following the line of her form from her left heel to the crown of her head. He feels desire. He remembers the crash of her body against his when he snatched her from the pine scented air on the Shiganshina mission, how easily his arm had tightened around her waist. She had smelled like sweat and antiseptic, clean and living.

            “Ackerman,” he says, and is struck by how quiet his voice is.

            She turns and salutes, “Sir,” and awaits instruction.

            At a wave of his hand, her stance relaxes. He draws another line from her right ankle to her chin.

            “You’re bleeding,” he says, conversationally, pointing to a small spatter of blood on her collar.

            “Most are after today,” she replies without drama.

            He nods. “Take off your jacket.”

            He raises an eyebrow when she hesitates. “I’m not going to molest you, Ackerman, just take off your damn jacket.”

           She complies, and shrugs off the offending garment.

            “Sit.” He indicates a small boulder.

            Once she is seated, he pulls the hairpin from her hand. Standing behind her, he braids her hair quickly and efficiently, starting at her left temple and pinning it in place at the nape of her neck. She moves to touch it, and her hand is slapped away.

            “Don’t move unless I tell you to,” he says. “Turn down your collar so I can see the cut.”

            She unbuttons her collar and tilts her neck slightly to one side. The wound is small, hardly worth the attention of a medic, but he pulls a small kit from his pocket and begins to clean the afflicted area.

            “Why aren’t you with him?” he asks, as he dabs at dried blood and dirt, his lip curling involuntarily.

            “With whom, sir?”

            “Yeager.”

            “In what capacity?”

            “The madly devoted sister capacity.”

            “I’m not his sister.”

            “Very lucky for you.”

            She pauses. “He’s sleeping. Armin is with him.”

            Levi tosses away the disinfectant serviette, and tears open a bandage. He affixes it gently to her neck, and doesn’t prevent his fingers from lingering over a small freckle tucked behind her ear.

            “He isn’t capable of loving you.”

            She shudders and pulls away from him, but his hands rush to seize at her shoulders. He jerks her backwards, and hisses into her ear.

            “Do you understand me, Mikasa? He isn’t capable of it, he is so eaten up by hatred of them, of the Titans. There is no room left for you in that heart of his.” His hands are trembling, and he doesn’t know why.

            She gags, and he releases her in time to let her vomit across the blood stained marble. She avoids his shoes.   

            “He saved my life,” she croaks. “He loves me.”

            “Once upon a time, perhaps. But he’s a soldier now; more than that, he is humanity’s final hope. That burden leaves no room for romance, and he knows it. And he doesn’t even want it.”

            “He doesn’t have to want it.” She spits. “I won’t force it on him.”

            “I know you won’t,” Levi snaps. “But I need you to do away with your own feelings and stop throwing yourself between him and danger like a brokenhearted lover. He can rebuild himself, you can’t.”

            Her head whips round, and her eyes blaze at him. “That is what we are supposed to do, protect him at all costs.”

            “Not you. I hate to break it you, Ackerman, but I’d rather keep you in one piece than sacrifice you to Yeager’s suicide mission.”

            She laughs at that. “Yes, of course. Of the two of us, the one who CAN’T best Titans in hand to hand combat is clearly the one to keep alive and intact.”

            Levi feels his jaw tense, but his voice is smooth and laconic. “Mikasa,” and her name is tannic and bitter on his tongue. “Out of every rookie in the Scouts, you are the only one with the combined acumen and fighting skill to someday lead the fight for Maria and perhaps win. And seeing as the entirety of my squad – the only collection of candidates worthy to succeed me or Erwin – is dead, I am far more interested in rearing you to take command than in assigning you to Eren as his personal bodyguard. So, pull a stunt like you did on the Shiganshina mission again, and I’ll chain you to your bed until some sense has been knocked into you.”

            She narrows her eyes at him. “You wouldn’t. You need me in the field.”

            “Not as much as I need you alive for the next five years. As it is, Smith is keeping you in the interior for three months minimum,” he smiles, suddenly sardonic. “We’re sending you to be Zackly’s protégée, Madame Future Commander.”

            He steps quickly out of reach when she lunges for him, sweeping her legs out from beneath her and pinning her to the ground with his knees. He grabs her wrists with exceptional speed, slamming her arms down so that she’s laid spread eagle beneath him.

            “That’s enough, Ackerman.” His nose wrinkles. “You smell disgusting, be so good as to turn your face in another direction, please.”

            “To hell with you, Levi. And to hell with Smith, and with Zackly!” Tears well and bead upon her lashes, ready to fall at gravity’s slightest, unpitying tug.

            Levi is immovable as she struggles beneath him. A minute passes, then two. Finally she quivers, and her defiance breaks apart as her mouth opens in a terrible, silent wail. Her fingers slacken their grip on the rock, and new blood speckles the floor.

            “Are you finished?” Levi asks, his voice bored, but the lines about his eyes are tight and strained.

            Mikasa gasps, staring blindly into the night sky, unblinking, as the cool air dries her still unshed tears. “Yes, sir. Please accept my sincere apologies for my insubordination.”

            Levi shifts above her, shuffling backward until he’s straddling her legs rather than her waist, his feet pressing to the insides of her calves. He twitches a steel toe into the hard jut of her ankle, and her eyes unwillingly meet his own.

            “Look at me, Ackerman. I do not pretend to know what is right for the human soul, or the heart. I only know what is good for the body and for survival. I can’t force you not to love Eren Yeager, but I can promise you that once you give him up, your chances of survival will increase tenfold. It is what the future of humankind requires…demands, of you.”

            She stares at him. “There is no humanity without feeling,” she whispers.

            Levi snorts. “Feel all you like. But do not act upon it. What was it your little blonde friend said? Ah, yes: ‘Those who do not sacrifice, cannot win.’ And did you not require that same sacrifice of Eren today? Live up to your own standards, little soldier, or I’ll see that you never enter the field again.”

            Gingerly, he releases her wrists, holding his hands protectively before his face as he rises to stand over her. He backs away, and holds out his hand to lift her from the ground. She takes it, grudgingly, and stands. She’s taller than him, but she feels cowed and sullen. Levi grabs at the back of her hair, and tugs.

            “It’s only three months,” he says. “Behave yourself, and you’ll be back in the field in no time.” He smirks. “Unless you decide you prefer a desk job.”

            She brushes his hand away. “I will do my duty, Captain.”

            “Will you?” he presses. “Without feeling?”

            Her eyes are hard. “Without acting upon it, sir.”

            With a salute, she turns on her heel, and strides away into the twilight, the burgeoning dark swallowing her like a greedy lover.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eh...angst, I suppose?

             “The hell do you mean, ‘Mikasa’s not coming’?” Jean glares at Levi, who doesn’t shift from his usual deadpan expression.

            “Just that, Kirchstein. Cadet Ackerman has been temporarily reassigned to Commander Zackly.”

            “For what purpose?”

            “Assessment for command.” Levi feels a small twinge of satisfaction at Kirchstein’s expression, a mix of admiration, jealousy, and despair. He raises his eyebrow at the Cadet.

            “Shouldn’t you be with your own squad?”

            Jean grinds his teeth, before saluting obediently. “Yes, sir. I only wanted to determine Cadet Ackerman’s whereabouts.”

            “Then you’re excused, return to your squad.” Levi waves his hand in a casual gesture of dismissal.

            Jean walks several feet before Levi calls him back again. “Kirchstein, where are you going?”

            Jeans turns around confused. “To my squad, sir.”

            “Then you should be walking that way,” Levi pointed in the opposite direction. “To my squad.”

            Jean’s head jerks. “What?”

            “My squad. You may have noticed, its numbers went down rather significantly. I’m in need of replacements, and you’re filling the brass balls quota.” Levi jerks his thumb behind him. “You’re officially Eren’s new babysitter, go get cuddly.”

            Jean’s arms begin to windmill in desperation. “Captain, please! I’m a soldier! I’m not a nanny!”

            “Do as I say, Kirchstein.” Levi’s tone brooks no refusal.

            Jean slumps and begins to walk droopingly towards the barracks. He stops and turns back around.

            “Sir,” he asks. “We leave in four days don’t we?”

            “Yes, that’s correct.”

            “So am I Yeager’s babysitter starting now, or in four days?”

            Levi’s eyes narrow. “Let me ask you this, Kirchstein. Are you a soldier now or in four days?”

            Jean is confused. “I don’t understand, sir.”

            “It’s very straightforward, Kirchstein. Are you a soldier and a Scout only when you are outside Wall Rose, or at all times?”

            Jean’s expression turns sullen. “At all times, sir.”

            “I suggest you start making a good impression on him now, Kirchstein. Because as of this moment you are on my shitlist, and having a Titan in your corner might be the only thing that stops me from shoving a pine branch up your ass at the earliest opportunity.”

 

****

          

            Mikasa kicks viciously at the foot of her bed.  “That bastard,” she seethes. “That arrogant, selfish, egoistic motherfucker!”

            “Knock it off,” Eren’s mild voice comes from the doorway. Mikasa turns and looks at him askance.

            “What?”

            “Stop it,” Eren pushes himself off the door jamb. “That’s a superior officer you’re talking about.”

            Mikasa stares. “Are you actually defending his decision?”

            “More than that, I’m reaffirming it.” Eren runs his hand through his hair and sighs. “Mikasa, I can’t have you in the field. You…you’re too emotional.”

            Mikasa laughs incredulously. “I am too emotional? You idiot, it’s my emotion that saved your ass the last time we were out there!”

            “No, it wasn’t,” Eren snaps. “Levi saved me. Your emotion got him injured. I don’t absolve myself of responsibility for what happened, but I followed my orders until I had no choice but to act on my own. You deviated from the strategy as soon as you thought I was in danger, and you only got away with it because the alternative was to let me be carried away or killed.”

            “And that isn’t enough?” Mikasa shrieks. “My instincts were good!”

            “You got lucky!” Eren shouts. “I’m not your toy; I’m not your baby; I am not yours to protect! I don’t belong to you anymore!”

            Mikasa reels back, her heart pounding. “What do you mean? You’ll always belong to me, your mother…”

            “My mother is rotten!” Eren’s eyes are bloodshot. “Corpses can’t bring oaths to bear. So forget that stupid, impossible promise, and let me give what I can to humanity without having to worry about you getting in the way!”

            Eren’s chest heaves. His expression is feral and desperate. He lifts his arms and lets them fall to his sides again.

            “I love you, Mikasa, at least I think I do. But I can’t do this for you. I can’t let you die for me. I can’t let you keep these promises that stand in the way of doing what’s right.” He says, miserably.

            Mikasa’s jaw tightens. “You think I’m unable to see why you must do what you do? I see Eren, I understand. For God’s sake, I exhorted you to change at Sina. You couldn’t do it. And it had nothing to do with me. I will let you die someday, Eren. But I will die alongside you, whether that moment or the next, or a thousand years later. I will die when you do.”

            Eren’s face goes cold. “That is unforgivable, Mikasa. How dare you attempt to cloud my judgment that way?”

            Mikasa is confused. “Do you not wish to protect me as I wish to protect you? Is that not why you demand I remain here, rather than defy Levi’s orders as I wish to do?”

            “No,” Eren replies. “I demand that you stay here, because it is what humankind requires.”

            He turns and walks out of the room, his shoulders stiff, and his hands clenched at his sides. He doesn’t flinch when he hears Mikasa’s scream of anguish, and the cry of splintered glass.


	3. Chapter 3

            Levi is waiting for him. “Yeager,” he says, greeting him. Eren stands at attention and salutes. Levi doesn’t wave him down. Instead he takes in Eren’s flushed cheeks and bright eyes. He smirks.

            “How’s your sister, still baying for my blood?”

            “Cadet Ackerman has indicated that she will comply with your orders, sir.”

            Levi’s eyebrows shoot up. “Cadet Ackerman, hm? You sound very detached.”

            “It is necessary sir. I must be as prepared to die for anyone else as I am for her. She can have no special place in my heart or mind.”

            Levi snorts. “Stand at ease, Cadet.”

            Eren drops his salute. Levi stalks around him, his hands folded behind his back, like a barn cat ready to pounce.

            “Why do you think Mikasa loves you so desperately, Yeager? Can she smell the power on you, even when you’re in your soft, shrimpy state? Do you think she finds your Titan form erotic? Does she want you to dominate her?” Levi asks, his tone light.

            Eren’s ears begin to turn pink. “I wouldn’t know, sir. Cadet Ackerman has never informed me of any romantic feelings she may or may not have for me.

            “The ‘Cadet Ackerman’ thing again,” Levi muses. “Why are you pushing her away, Eren?”

            “Like I said, sir,” Eren replies, confused. “I want to be the best I can possibly be in the field. That precludes attachment.”

            “You’re right. What would you do, Yeager, if Cadet Ackerman were to refuse to allow you to perform at the fullness of your ability in battle? What would you do if Ackerman were to interfere?”

            Eren gulps. “I…I believe I would do my best to stop her, sir.”

            “How?” Levi demands, suddenly pressed against Eren’s shoulder. “How will you stop her?”

            “I will…I will harm her, sir.”

            “For the good of humanity?”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “How badly will you harm Mikasa Ackerman, if you must choose between her and the fate of human race?”

            Eren swallows again. “I will kill her, if necessary, sir. For the good of humanity.”

            Levi exhales. “Excellent, Yeager. That’s exactly what I wanted to hear.”

            He turns and begins to walk away. Eren’s voice, panicked and fearful, rings out behind him.

            “Sir!”

            Levi turns to look at him. Eren’s hands are shaking, and his face is pale.

            “Only if necessary, sir. Not before. Not if I have even a sliver of doubt.”

            “Good, Yeager. Because if you try anything like it before that moment, I’ll kill you.”

 

*** 

 

            It’s two in the morning, and Levi is pacing. His thoughts are loud and unrelenting, and he is sure that if he drops his feet on the floor just hard enough, that he will soon be able to drown them out and get some sleep. He hums to himself, an old song that he had heard in the underground, the word ‘Marseilles’ repeated to varying intonations. He is so absorbed that at first he thinks the knock at his door is a waking dream.

            He leans against the jamb without touching the handle. “Who is it?” he calls.

            “Mikasa Ackerman, sir.”

            Levi’s brow furrows at that. Ackerman has no business standing outside his door so late at night. “It’s two a.m., go back to bed, Ackerman.”

            “Please sir, I wish to understand your expectations of me during my time here in the interior. And to further apologize for my behavior at the temple. Please, I know you will be up for several more hours.”

            Levi ruminates on this. Her tone is calm, she sounds rational. He opens the door, only to be immediately floored by a swift punch to the center of his forehead, then dragged up by his shirt front to be slammed into the adjacent wall. A short, sharp blade is pressed to the inside of his thigh. Mikasa’s expression is a combination of smugness and fury. It’s insufferable to look at, Levi decides, and he focuses his gaze on a spot several feet above her head.

            “I still owe you for Eren,” she growls.

            Levi looks bored. “Ackerman, this is not how civilized people express their gratitude when a superior officer saves their mutant sibling’s life a minimum of three times in a row.”

            “What did you say to him?” Mikasa, snaps, the blade making a swift journey to press against Levi’s crotch.

            “Say to whom?” Levi asks, suddenly with more interest, his eyes meeting hers.

            “To Eren. What did you say to make him hate me so much in so little time?”

            “I said nothing. Your foster brother seems to have had a little epiphany all on his own.”

            “God dammit, Levi, you know what he means to me. Why are you being cruel, why are you forcing him to reject me this way?”

            By this time Levi has had enough. With the swiftness that had caused him to be known as one of the most efficient killers in the history of his species, he flicks the knife from Mikasa’s hand. It clatters against the opposite wall.

            “Now,” he says. “Would you care to speak like an adult, instead of a child?”

            Mikasa’s eyes are darting furiously between Levi and the open door.

            “No, no, Mikasa” Levi’s voice is soothing, as though he were talking to a skittish animal. “You opened up this discussion, let’s see it through.”

            Mikasa lunges for the door, but Levi tucks his shoulder into her stomach, launching her into a small bureau. The air shoots out of her in a violent hiccup. As she sits, gasping for breath, Levi shuts the door and locks it. Out of the corner of her eye, Mikasa sees the glint of the knife, and speedily crawls toward it. She has almost reached it, when Levi’s hand plunges into her hair, and he begins to drag her towards the center of the room. She manages to scramble onto her knees, but is met with a vicious backhanded slap. She crumples into a heap.

            Levi nudges her over onto her back, and sees with satisfaction that her eyes, though glazed with pain, spark fiercely at him from where she lies on the floor. He sinks down on top of her, in an almost perfect replication of their position a few days earlier. She turns her head away from him, staring at a small knot on the wall.

            “Mikasa,” Levi says, and it comes out sounding surprisingly tender. “I didn’t say anything to Eren, because I knew I wouldn’t need to. He knows what he is, special. He knows that being special requires him to give up all the ordinary things that his mother would have wanted for him, including you.” He tilts her chin with his index finger so that he’s able to look her in the eye. “You’re so desperate for him to be ordinary that you’d snuff out the very gift that gives his rage purpose and meaning. Why?”

            Mikasa’s split bottom lip leaks blood as she replies, “Because he deserves to be ordinary.”

            Levi shakes his head. “No one deserves that, little one. No one deserves to be shut up like livestock.”

            “I would do it for him.” Tears well in Mikasa’s eyes. “Why won’t he do it for me?”

            “He has killed for you. Like any loyal beast he is willing to die for his master, can you conscionably demand that he give that up, only to please you?” Levi replies. Mikasa’s eyes drop. 

             “Well, can you?” he presses. Mikasa refuses to meet his gaze.

             Levi shakes his head. “No matter, as it is, it isn’t your decision to make.”

            He stands. “As for my expectations of you during your stay here in the interior,” he says, his voice languid. “I imagine they are the same as any officer’s. Your obedience and willingness to learn from your superiors.”

            He looks down at her, still lying at his feet. “This isn’t a punishment, Ackerman. It’s a promotion. Even if you don’t deserve it.”

            He walks over to the door and unlocks it. “Get going,” he barks. “I have to clean up your mess.”

            Mikasa struggles to stand. She staggers slightly, and is surprised by Levi’s hand steadying her at the small of her back. He guides her to the door and sets her hand upon the brass knob. “Your apology is accepted,” he says, and he swings the door gently open before ushering her over the threshold and into the dark.

            Winded and humiliated, Mikasa shuffles into the hallway. The door shuts behind her, and she can hear the screech of wood as Levi resets the order of his room.


	4. Chapter 4

“The fuck happened to you last night?” Connie squints at Mikasa, taking in the violent collage of bruises and scratches speckling her face.

“Wha- holy shit, were you in a bar fight?” Sasha pokes gently at the bruise on Mikasa’s cheekbone. She leaps backwards when Mikasa gives a hiss of pain.

“Fuck, sorry!” she cries, her eyes wide.

“I’m fine,” Mikasa replies through gritted teeth. “I got drunk and took a tumble into a doorjamb, that’s all.”

“Onto your face?” Sasha looks suspicious.

“Yes.”

“Bu-”

“Was this door jamb roughly 160 cm tall with dark hair and a bad attitude?” Connie asks, smirking.

“Why the hell would you ask that?” Sasha says, staring at him.

“Because it looks like it might be getting tea.” Connie points over Mikasa’s shoulder, where Levi is visible carrying a teacup and sporting a magnificently large and purple bruise like a bindi between his eyes.

Sasha spins around, takes in Levi’s face and her eyes widen. She whips back around to hiss into Mikasa’s ear: “Holy shit, Mikasa, did you fuck up Captain Levi last night?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, he’s a superior officer.” Mikasa replies, burying her nose in a coffee mug.

Then, snidely: “Perhaps he fell into a doorjamb as well.”

“Uh-huh, right.” Connie is unimpressed.

“Mikasa. I need to talk to you.”

Mikasa looks up, and sees Eren standing over her. She feels a sharp twinge of irritation, but it is swiftly overrun by delight that Eren is still speaking to her.

“Of course,” she says, standing up immediately.

 “Excuse me,” she says, to Sasha and Connie, before following Eren out of the cafeteria.

Eren leads her to the stable, the crowds of Scouts steadily thinning until they are almost entirely alone. This doesn’t seem to satisfy Eren, who scrambles up a ladder into a hayloft, beckoning Mikasa to follow him. Once they are standing face to face, daylight burrowing its way through small chinks in the roof tiles to cast yellow pools on the hay bales, Eren begins to speak.

“Why did you and Levi fight last night?” he asks, his voice strained.

Mikasa freezes. “You know why,” she replies, and her voice is so cold she hardly recognizes it.

“I want to hear you say it,” Eren says, stubbornly.

“We fought over you. I don’t want him taking you into the field without me. And I want him to stop filling your head with lies and driving us apart for the so-called good of humanity.”

Eren grips his hair, pulling at it in frustration. “Mikasa, stop this. It makes no sense.”

“It makes every sense,” she snaps. “You stupid boy, I love you.”

“I know you do, Mikasa—”

“Then don’t force me to stay here without you!” She crosses the floor in a stride and takes his face between her hands. “Let me love you. Love me! Be with me, let me protect you!”

“I can’t love you that way, Mikasa, you know that.” Eren doesn’t pull away.

“That isn’t true! You can, you just refuse to!” Mikasa eyes are filled with tears. She presses her lips to his in desperation. Eren jerks away, staring at her, before hesitantly reaching out to stroke her cheek, then leaning in to kiss her firmly on her lips. Mikasa feels joy well up inside her, but before she can clasp him to her more tightly, Eren pulls away again. He studies her, as though there were a complex equation that could be solved only in observing her. Then he asks:

“If I give you this, will you stay? Here. Will you obey Captain Levi and Erwin?”

Mikasa’s body instantly goes cold. “No,” she whispers. “I will follow you to the ends of the earth.”

Eren steps away from her, and his face is blank and emotionless. “I cannot love you, Mikasa. There is no room for you in my heart. Not even as a sister.”

“Don’t say things you cannot mean,” Mikasa replies, her chest tightening. “You love me, or you wouldn’t have saved me at Trost.”

“I saved you,” Eren says. “Because you are a human being, and human life is precious.”

“No,” Mikasa is almost shouting. “No, you saved me because you love me!”

“And must I love you more than I love all humanity!?” Eren cries. “Can you ask me to be so petty that I will disobey the leaders of the human race, simply to please you?”

He seizes her by the shoulders. “Mikasa, stop fooling yourself. My life is not my own anymore, and I give it gladly if it means that someday the grandchildren of this city will walk outside these walls. I beg you, do not force me to divide myself from you forever.”

“What can you mean?” Mikasa croaks. “That you would sooner die than stay here with me, or let me come with you?”

“No, Mikasa. That I would sooner kill you than let you stand in the way of humanity’s future. And I am that future, whether we like it or not.”

“I’ll die if you leave me this way,” Mikasa’s voice is low and steady. “You’re killing me where I stand, Eren.”

“Then you die, Mikasa. You die, and humanity loses one of its best hopes for a bright and prosperous future. Or,” and Eren fixes her with blazing eyes. “You accept this, and put away this fantasy for a chance to instead do something for the benefit of us all.”

He clambers down the ladder, and Mikasa listens to his footsteps fade, before sitting down heavily onto a hay bale and giving way to tears. She falls sideways and presses her face into the sharp stalks, the harsh prickles grounding her, the musty smell reminding her of the straw stuffed mattress she had slept on as a child. She could feel her mother’s hands gently stroking her hair, crooning a lullaby in a language already long dead.

She hears Levi before she sees him. Smells his cleanness before she feels his hand drop to brush gently over her hair, feels his breath on her face as he squats down to peer at her under the small forest of dark strands obscuring her eyes.

“As hard as it may be for you to believe,” he says, quietly. “I am truly, truly sorry.”

He gently pushes her into a sitting position, before settling himself on the hay bale alongside her, guiding her to lean her head against his shoulder. Mikasa is so overwhelmed by exhaustion and grief that she cannot force herself to pull away.

“It is perhaps, the greatest tragedy of all” Levi muses, “When a strong woman falls in love with a martyr.”

When Mikasa doesn’t reply, he continues.

“It doesn’t carry the deaths of thousands with it, I’ll grant you. However, it bears a heartbreak unlike any other. That is what you are experiencing, Mikasa. Your heart has been broken. But your body is whole, and so is your mind. These are the tools you must use when you are with Zackly the next three months.”

“It would serve you better in general, to think more with this,” he pokes the center of her forehead, “and less with this,” he touches the space above her heart.

“And as for this,” and Mikasa’s breath hitches as Levi grabs the front of her pants, pulling her hips into a smooth arch, exposing a small crescent of unblemished skin. “I can fill this much better than he ever could.” He looks into her face searchingly. Seeming to make a decision, he pulls at her again until she is lying supine across his lap. He grips her chin in his hand and turns her head to look at him.

 “Listen to me, Mikasa. Eren didn’t not love you because you are not worthy, he did not love you because he is marked for Death, and that is his only lover. I am marked for Death as well, but Death and I have a more liberal policy about who and what I take to my bed.”

He presses his face into her neck, his fingers lingering at the button of her pants.

“I wanted to fuck you the minute you looked at me with your big wide eyes outside Rose; except, of course, you weren’t looking at me. You were looking at him. You were looking at him, disgusting and half drowned in saliva, and it was as though the sun had risen at midnight. I wanted to loop him over a tree branch and fuck you until you forgot his name. And I could have.”

Mikasa grows stiff, and Levi can feel the tension of a hunted animal ready to flee. He nuzzles her hair, breathing in the scent of antiseptic and GI soap. “Calm down,” he says. “I wouldn’t dream of touching you while you’re in this state.”

“In fact,” he says, lifting Mikasa gingerly of his lap and resettling her on the hay bale. “I’m not going to touch you at all.”

 He kneels at her feet, looking up into her face. “You are a gifted soldier, Mikasa. The top of your class, a fierce and efficient killer. I would be a fool to approach you without humility and consideration of your talent and skill. But you are not that soldier now, and so I cannot approach you at all.”

 He stands and walks to the ladder. “The patrol leaves tomorrow morning, and you will travel to Military Headquarters the same afternoon. Erwin and I will have an audience with Zackly upon our return, whenever that may be. I look forward to seeing you as yourself again. If you're not, we will have to consider postponing your return to the field indefinitely.” And with that, he was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

          “We’re going to suffer without Ackerman in the field.” Erwin mutters into his drink.

            Levi looks at him sharply. “You already have one, do you really need two?” he says, drily.

            “She is a damn lot like you. I wouldn’t mind having a pair.” Erwin glances at him, smirking. “She give you that gem on your forehead there?”

            Levi gently touches his bruise. “Mutual combat. She got her own.”

            Erwin nods. “I should have guessed. You street scrappers never change.”

            “I listen to you now, don’t I?”

            “True. But would you ever listen to you?”

            Levi snorts. “Touché.”

            Erwin spins his glass on the table. “We’re going to suffer without her.”

            “No, we won’t. She wasn’t the only top student in her class, and we have most of the rest. Sending her to Zackly is the best thing for her. You’re slipping as it is.”

            Erwin hits him with a piercing glare. “The hell I am.”

            “Just a joke, old man.”

            Erwin rubs a hand wearily over his face. “Now that you mention it, I wonder if I’m not. Slipping, that is. Leonhart shouldn’t have been so difficult to take down.”

            Levi scoffs. “Well if Yeager hadn’t tried to eat the bitch-”

            “Oh Christ, I know. But we’re heading out again tomorrow, and not for Shiganshina this time. We’ll be sticking within 50 km of Rose, see if we can thin the Titans down by drawing them in. If we’re able to keep Yeager in good health, we should be able to whittle down their ranks with little trouble.”

            Levi hums. “And if we should attract abnormals?”

            Erwin smiled ruefully. “They haven’t killed the kid yet.”

 

*******

 

            _Mikasa dreams of Titans._

_Not the kind that lived outside the walls, but the ones that lived inside. The ones with collapsible joints, and diamond fingertips. The ones with teeth and nails sharpened to razors on the edge of knife steels, with skin hardened by midnight smelting. The ones that shrieked, the ones that called their mindless cohorts from beyond the forests to gnaw on their sawed off bones. The ones that overshadowed the highest of His Majesty’s towers._

_She sits on the chest of Eren’s Titan, burrowing deep towards his heart, as her comrades fly above her, calling for her to stop, to go for the neck._

_“No, no, no.” she mutters. “He’s moved, he isn’t there anymore.”_

_The blood scalds her hands, the flesh peeling away like birch bark, the edges scorched black. Eren roars and writhes beneath her, but she is secure and cannot be moved. And ah, at last there it is._

_Massive, black as pitch, beating a horrendous tattoo, leaping in a hedonistic dance, the Titan’s heart sends gouts of pungent steam roiling into the air. Mikasa reaches with trembling, mutilated hands, seizes at the vital muscle and begins to tear. The organ comes apart in her hands like putty, and as she digs and rips, the suggestion of a human form begins to show itself in the mess of blood and mucus._

_“Eren!”_

_Her fingers scrabble towards his face, clearing his airways, pulling him like a babe from the jaws of a wolf. She presses her lips to his, and they’re as cold as those of the dead. She slaps him, once, twice, thrice. Nothing changes. Then at once his eyes snap open, his back twists into a mockery of the lover’s sensual arch, and he screams a Titan’s scream._

_“What have you done?” Levi looms over her. Mikasa clutches Eren to her, her tears wetting his face like they’d done in Trost._

_The walls were falling. Hordes of Titans summoned by the call come scrambling over the wreckage, batting away Scouts and MPs and Garrison Personnel like flies. Brief showers of blood are punctuated by the screams of the dying, like rocket blasts._

_Eren is quivering in Mikasa’s arms, his eyes staring wildly at nothing._

_“Put him back!” Levi commands. “Put him back!”_

_Mikasa tremblingly lays Eren’s body back into the cradle of the Titan’s mutilated heart. At once he ceases to shiver, but Levi is not satisfied. He begins to pack the bloody chunks of flesh back around Eren’s body, covering him limb by limb._

_“Stop,” Mikasa cries. “Stop! You’ll kill him, he’ll suffocate.”_

_“How can a Titan suffocate in his own body?” Levi asks her._

_“I—I don’t know.” Mikasa says. “But Eren is not a Titan, he is a man, a human being!”_

_“Is he?” Levi places the last piece of torn muscle, covering Eren’s face._

_The heart takes on an infernal, purple glow, and the fissures where Mikasa’s hands had torn the natural bonds of blood and bone, knit and reseal themselves._

_“Come,” and Levi seizes her by the hand, dragging her away from the Titan. The open wounds flow together, and the Titan stands once more. Pitting his foot against the shattered earth, he spreads his arms wide for the coming onslaught._

_He seizes the weaker Titans in his arms, and bites and tears and mutilates._

_“Now do you see,” Levi asks, triumphant. “This is what he was made for.”_

*******

            Mikasa awakens with a jerk.

            “Oh, you’re up.” Sasha is standing in the doorway, pulling on a pair of riding gloves. “We’re about to head for the gate, care to see us off?”

            “I’m not sure I’d be welcome.” Mikasa mutters.

            “We all know that you’re not staying behind because it’s what you want.” Sasha says ruefully. “Hell, we’d all grab your assignment if we could, but we need you in the capital. You need to make sure those stupid sons of bitches don’t cut off our funding and access to proper weapons. Let alone food.” Sasha pats her rumbling gut, soothingly. She throws Mikasa’s uniform at her head.

            “Come on, get up. Feeling sorry for yourself is not excuse to slug-abed.”

            Mikasa rolls out of bed, combing her fingers through her hair as she does so. She puts on the pants and feels a cylindrical point jabbing into her hip. She pulls it from her pocket, and recognizes the bone hairpin that Levi had used to fasten her braid some days ago.

            “Ah, perfect!” Sasha snatches the pin out of her hand and after a few perfunctory twists, stab the pin through a coil of hair at the base of Mikasa’s neck.

            “Hurry up now, we’ve only got a few minutes.”

            After hastily pulling on the remainder of her uniform, Mikasa follows Sasha out of the room, and clatters alongside her down the stairs. Sasha stops at her horse, and turns, lacing her finger together into a hollow “u”.

            “Quick, mount up.” She pants.

            Mikasa sets her foot into Sasha’s hand and swing easily onto the horse’s back. Sasha scrambles up alongside her.  
            “I’ll let you steer,” she says with a wink. “You won’t get much of a chance to ride like a bat out of hell between now and when we get back.”

            Mikasa feels a thrill in the pit of her stomach. She digs her heels into the horse’s sides, and it is as though the north wind itself had taken off.

            “Jesus, Mikasa, I didn’t mean that fast!” Sasha howled.

            Mikasa can feel her body lengthening to match the animal’s strides, while Sasha screams at pedestrians to run, hide, take cover, and every other possible permutation of extreme caution.

            They reach the gate in ten minutes flat, Mikasa slowing the horse to a trot, so that they seem to saunter through the ranks of staring Scouts.

            “I’m in the vanguard with Jean and Eren.” Sasha whispered. “Why don’t you slip off here, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m trying to run away with you.”

            Mikasa slips carefully of the horse, helping Sasha half hop, half crawl into the saddle.“Let me check the girth really quick,” she mutters. “Can’t be too careful.”

            Sasha nods seriously, but she’s anxiously scanning the sea of mounted horsemen.

            “Shit,” she hisses. “It’s Levi, I knew I’d get my ass kicked for being late. Quick, hide somewhere so you won’t get in trouble.”

            “Blouse!” Levi barks. “Why the hell are you late?”

            “No excuse, Captain.”

            “You’re damn right. Fall in.” As he wheels his horse around, Levi catches from the corner of his eye a small flicker red. Mikasa is standing on a barrel behind a group of civilians, all clustered together to bid farewell for the already presumed dead. She nods, and Levi recognizes the bone hairpin stuck at an angle into the low coil at the back of her neck. He does nothing, says nothing, but lays his spurs to his horse’s sides, and speeds to rejoin his squad.

            Mikasa feels the low thrill in her stomach again, and feels her body warm in the knowledge that upon Levi’s return, she would have grown in strength and power, that he could not foresee. She was free in ways that she had not imagined, had never expected. She tugs absentmindedly on a loose thread on her scarf.  She continues to pull until a small pool of muddy crimson thread lies placidly in her palm.

            The gate begins to open, and the thrill in Mikasa’s stomach grows to an ache. He was leaving, and when he returned, she would be a force to be reckoned with. For she too, was born to do something mighty. 

 

 

 


End file.
